Archive for the ‘Words of Otherwise-dom’ Category

On the origin of the names

Friday, May 7th, 2010

One who peruses this site might (and better) notice the wide variety of strange names found therein. Such names are almost always not the result of various brain cells running into one another. They are, instead, the highly-sophisticated result of two cells sidling up to a third which they push into the center of a rather astonishing formation of three cells where the third cell finds himself trapped by five cells which have all been before mentioned and if you do not know what I am talking about, then you have not paid any attention to this sentence at all and I wish you would. Now, the cell that finds himself trapped begins to secrete a powerful chemical, known in the world of science as Hemptosphickticlaphiticolarkiticozoanticic fumes. These Hemptosphickticlaphiticolarkiticozoanticic fumes create such a powerful oder, that the other cells immediately flee from the one producing them. These cells race around the brain and bump into other cells, which, in turn, thinking there is some danger at hand, flee in all directions at once. Now, where as it would be impossible to literally flee in all directions at once for you and me, the cells simply split apart, thus creating so many of themselves that they are, in a manner of speaking, running in all directions at once. This sudden production of brain cells tricks the brain into thinking that the production rate must be up. Therefore, when the cells stop running around uttering shrieks far beyond the level of human hearing, The brain thinks that something must be wrong. It therefore casts about within itself, searching for a solution to the problem that it thinks exists but doesn’t while it thinks it does but doesn’t. It comes up with several solutions at once (as most good brains do) and thus creates a vast variety of ideas and words.

When thinking of a name, these moments of, as we sometimes term it,  Inventiveness, come in handy. For example, at this very moment, I am thinking of several different things at once. If mashed together, they might present a rather fearful picture:

Read 'On the origin of names'

So when trying to think of a name, many thoughts melt together and form something completely absurd, unfocused, and dryly humorous.

-The Hemptosphickticlaphiticolarkiticozoanticic One

Strange happenings at a common place

Friday, May 7th, 2010

This is it! The post for all astrologers and soothsayers. Prophets of old, prophets of new, all gather here to discuss Strange Happenings at a Common Place.

Today, May 7, 2010, I crossed a black cat’s path. In fact, I crossed two black cat’s paths. If anybody knows what will happen next, please let me know. -Fur-tree III

Today, May 7, 2010, I heard a back door creak. I assumed it to be Charlie, the ghost that came from the TV. It couldn’t have been the sun beating down on the door, for Charlie hates hot places. -A filent, fly, flick, fleuth that haf flown through the flaw in a flew with a flea and a fly. Many hoppy returnf- may they be great and varied!

Today, May 8, 2010, I had a black cat drool on me. If anyone knows what this strange omen means, please contact me at once. -Mr. Squeaky Boots

Today, May 11, 2010, I saw an alien grinning at me. Supposed to be from an unknown planet, this strange creature carries a green and gold gun and is of a yellowish tinge. He constantley points in the same direction: toward me. His name begin with two letters that look like M and a. If anyone has seen this abnormal creature please let me know. -A little green man from Mars

Today, May 15, 2010, I discovered a deck of playing cards. They did not have any spades, hearts, clubs, or diamonds on them. They looked completely different. Curious, I tried to tell my fortune from them. From the cards, it would seem that I will meet a wicked spirit on my birthday. This spirit will have a forked tongue and a hairy back. -Tadwh MCCLXXVII

Today, May 27, 2010, I discovered a piece of equipment that had crashed. It appeared to be made by someone very accomplished in engineering. It still appeared to be working. a blue light was on the whole time I was looking at it and a yellow light was flashing on and off. I discovered that it could power up my MP3 player! I intend to make great use of this technological item.
-Dongo XXIII

Today, October 29, 2010, I had a thouhgt. I thought about thinking about the thought, but decided against it. If anyone has had the same fthought, please notify me. -Indangerofbeingindanger himself.

‘Poetry’

Tuesday, April 27th, 2010

ATTACK BEFORE CHRISTMAS

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,

Every creature was stirring, in search of a mouse.

The traps were set by the chimney with care,

In hopes that a rat would soon be there.

The little mice were all snuggled in their beds,

While visions of swiss cheese danced in their heads.

And I at the gate, and mother defending the keep,

Had just settled our heads for another night of no sleep;

When out on the floor there arose such a clatter,

That I at once unbarred the gate, to see what was the matter.

A dish fell and broke asunder,

With a sound closely resembling thunder.

Then what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But the cat: the cause of all our fear.

With a paw so lively and quick,

That I knew at once: it was Old Nick!

More rapid than eagles his eyes sought mine,

And he hissed, and sputtered, and readied to dine;

To the front of the hole at the edge of the wall,

he crept stealthily, causing fear in us all.

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So was the fury of the attack that night,

With the scratching and pawing that caused us such fright.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of many a hoof.

As I drew in my breath, and was turning around,

Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound!

I was so surprised, I could have jumped,

But for the cat, into whom I had bumped!

A deadly stare, and a surprised look,

Were all I got, for the St. had opened a book.

“And when this house be in dread,

It will come,” so he read.

Then from his great sack he pulled

A young puppy, who drooled and rolled.

The cat took off with a yowl, with the puppy close behind with a howl.

And then the good St. Nicholas from his coat took a towel.

And with it, began to wipe up the drool,

Which on the floor, had formed a pool.

And when he was done,

In came the cat, at a run,

With the pup close behind.

And the drool was refined

To a thread, that went out far past the pup’s tail,

And finally ended up, ensnaring the mail.

And the cat was zooming around,

Absolutely terrified of the hound.

And the pup chased him away,

And promptly ran into a tray.

The cat ran up the stairs,

Taking the steps in pairs.

The pup ran right up with him,

And with his steps, kept rhythm.

The cat ran across the floor,

And then through an open door.

The pup tried to do the same,

But speedily ran into a game.

The cat sprang up upon a bed,

And ran to its occupant’s head.

The pup scrambled up onto the bed,

But ran into its occupant’s head.

Then was the shouting great,

And as it was later described, “first rate”.

But I shut the door,

And saw no more.

And so ended the night,

And we had no more fright.

ROCKET SCIENCE

‘Twas Brillig, and the slithey toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe.

All mimsy were the borrowgroves,

And the mome raths outgrabe.

“Beware the Jabberwrocket, my son!

The pipes that smoke, The sirens that sound!

Beware the Hubbub noise, and shun

The fumes from the engine ’round!”

He took his vorpal sword in hand:

Long time the manxome foe he sought–

So rested he by the Tumtum tree,

And stood awhile, in thought.

And as in uffish thought he stood,

The Jabberwrocket, with engines aflame,

Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,

And smoked as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through,

The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!

He left it dented, and with the fuel,

He went gallumphing back.

“And hast thou dented the Jabberwrocket?

Come to my arms, my beamish boy!

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!”

He chortled in his joy.

‘Twas Brillig, and the slithey toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe.

All mimsy were the borrowgroves,

And the mome raths outgrabe.

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